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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29627520">Butting Heads</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athenaash/pseuds/Athenaash'>Athenaash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MCYTers but DID rep [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Derealization, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know how to tag this, Identity Issues, Mental Health Issues, Nonbinary Character, idk like gay rights??, read my fic its good i just dont have anymore tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:41:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29627520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athenaash/pseuds/Athenaash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Big Crime is real?? True?</p><p>AKA: Tubbo is part of a DID system, one of their alters is having a Hard Time with feeling real.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>MCYTers but DID rep [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106885</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Butting Heads</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: BC is dealing with a lot of "im not real"/"im faking my mental illness" shit, theres a handful of truama mentions, mizimizing truama, and general anger/mental health issues</p><p>Quick note: BC *is* real! he's just dealing with the idea hes not. @ any alters reading this, you're not any less real for being part of a system then not being part of one.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He was real. Big Crime was real, and he was real in the same sense everyone around him was. Maybe he has a stupid name, but he had thoughts, and wasn’t there that the whole fuckin- ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>I think therefore I am</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ bullshit? Well! Here BC was! Thinking.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>BC was real. And his realness had nothing to do with the way Tubbo was real, they were both real separately. So why didn’t he get his own life? Why didn’t didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> get to say, in front of thousands of people, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> was real? Because he was. BC was sure of many things in his life, but the one thing he was positive of, was his realness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one else seemed to catch onto that though. BC wanted friends of his own, that weren’t friends with him because of Tubbo. He wanted people to look at him and go “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh! That’s Big Crime</span>
  </em>
  <span>” and not “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Tubbo is acting really mean today</span>
  </em>
  <span>”. Because BC </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> Tubbo. He could put on a good show, but he wasn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The long and short of it is that BC wanted to be loved. He wanted to be loved, and not because of something someone else did, but because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>himself</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wanted someone to see him in his entirety, someone to see his long light brown hair, and red eyes, and how different he was from Tubbo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair how BC didn’t get his own life, and he was stuck inside the body of a 17 year old who couldn’t handle getting slapped a few times. Like, oh boohoo! Get fucked, it happened to everyone at least once, BC wasn’t fucking needed. </span>
  <strike>
    <span>He tried to ignore the memories of fear running through his head when he remembered cowering from the very same hands that Tubbo did.</span>
  </strike>
</p><p>
  <span>BC deserved better, he deserved a life on his own, without having to worry about staying on his feet, and dancing around his system’s comfort. He shouldn’t have to live like this, scared of being himself, not even able to say his fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span> without it being played off as a joke. He wasn’t a joke, he was right fucking here, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserved</span>
  </em>
  <span> for people to know it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gritting his teeth, Big Crime pulled away his hands from the body’s forearms (</span>
  <strike>
    <span>which were too small and didn’t fit </span>
    <em>
      <span>him</span>
    </em>
  </strike>
  <span>)</span>
  <span> frowning at the torn-away skin forming messy crescents. Inhaling through his nose, he rubbed at the eyes, trying to curb the oncoming headache. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was tired. Really, he was. He was tired of eyes passing right through him, and no matter how hard he didn't want to, being forced to keep his mouth shut. BC wanted to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He wanted to be known, and loved. Hell, he could skip out on the loved part, Big Crime just wanted people to know he was real.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People did know he was real, a grand total of six fucking people knew about him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Six</span>
  </em>
  <span>. How pitiful was that? Two of them didn't even believe he existed either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t exist and he was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tubbo</span>
  </em>
  <span> trying so hard to be special. Let’s make up complicated alter egos because the parents didn’t pay enough attention to us as kids! Big crime - what the fuck even was that </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span> - gritted his teeth, he wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what to do with his sudden realization. He didn’t suddenly burst into ash and dissipate into nothingness. BC didn’t know if that was good or bad- god he should probably stop calling himself that shit, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> Big Crime, he was just Tubbo being fucked in the head. What the hell was </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> with him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Big Crime?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He jumped ten feet in the air when he heard that voice, light and airy sneaking in between his thoughts, and started scowling, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” the voice said after a second of sizing up the situation, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What’s… wrong?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out loud, BC started talking, “We’re not </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> Drugbo, none of us are fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>, we’re just Tubbo doin’ a bit- and-” He brought his hands up to pull at his hair, “I want to be real, why the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> do I not get to be real?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drubo paused, pursing the body’s lips, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I know the lot of you don’t care about what I have to say most of the time, but… I’m pretty sure </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’m</span>
  <em>
    <span> real, at the very least,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” BC scoffed, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Remember when Toob put up sticky notes of hearts everywhere? Would </span>
  </em>
  <span>you</span>
  <em>
    <span> do that?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! That’s fuckin-” Big Crime cut himself off, and narrowed the eyes, “That doesn’t count, who fuckin’ says I wasn’t just acting like a kid that day? Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do you remember it? Did you make the conscious decision to act like a four year old Pokemon hybrid and draw for at least an hour?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” BC huffed, and felt Drugbo take the front from him, pushing the simmering man backward, out loud, they said, “I don’t think you should make decisions on my realness,” Their voice was sharper, but not angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” BC wasn’t, not really, he didn’t have much to apologize for. Sometimes you work yourself up and convince yourself you’re not real. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I think I’m right still, ya know. About the deserving to be real bit,</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are real,” Drugbo dug around in their desk before pulling out a pen and paper, starting to doodle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>To who? To you? Don’t mean much when the only people who knows ya are teens and the other folks in your head,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” BC let out a dramatic sigh, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I want people to </span>
  </em>
  <span>know</span>
  <em>
    <span> me. I don’t want people to talk to me just cuz I’m part of Tubbo and co., I wanna exist in the way </span>
  </em>
  <span>I</span>
  <em>
    <span> wanna exist, you know?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drugbo sighed, matching BC, “Trust me, I know…” They continued doodling, “But we don’t get that, it’s not fair to all of us as a whole,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>BC took control of the mouth, “Why the hell not?! Not like it’d hurt to say ‘Heyo! I gotta buncha folks in my brain cuz I wasn’t treated well as a kid!’” He paused, “I mean I wouldn’t say it like that- I could pull up an article or some shit,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>People wouldn’t listen, you know that. They’d call us crazy, and who knows what the parents would do,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” A hand reached up to brush the hair of of their face, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>And the littles? Who’s to say they wouldn’t be in danger</span>
  </em>
  <span>,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When BC didn’t have a response, Drugbo continued, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not fair that you can’t exist to the masses, but it’s not fair for us to be unsafe. It </span>
  </em>
  <span>has</span>
  <em>
    <span> to be enough that you exist to our friends, like Tommy!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if we told more people than Tommy? Like the SMP?” He felt his head nod, “Prolly be a good idea to get Big Law type it out yeah? Mans gotta lot more tact than any o' us,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We’d have to… talk about it?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Big Crime let himself smile for the first time in a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lookin’ forward to it,”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Mmmmmm BC and Drugbo.... friends &lt;3 based off the breakdown me and Talon had together this week, hot /s</p><p>once again: this fic is dedicated to our Tubbo subsystem!! love u guys! /p</p></blockquote></div></div>
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